Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
