SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize