Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
