I'm jealous of your bromance
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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