her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
