She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
