My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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