And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
