I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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