i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
