i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
