i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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