Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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