discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.