splinters make it hard to masturbate
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
