Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
