He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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