I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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