I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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