Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
