Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
