whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
