please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it was like eating out sand paper
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
