two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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