what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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