Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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