If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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