Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
