margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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