at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
