I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
