saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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