I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
