Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
