when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
