new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
