Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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