If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
