he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
