im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
