Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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