Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
