So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
