tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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