I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
