i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
