I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
