The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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