before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
