She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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