i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
