I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
