remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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