I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
