What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
