im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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