I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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