my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize