I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
