My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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