And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
