I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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