I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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