Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are we still banned from the library?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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