she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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