It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
