question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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