We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
