kristin has been a bad kristin
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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